Pearings
by eventidespirit
Summary: So Raven…you've done it all…you've gotten together with virtually every titan, a slew of villains…what will you do now? A parody of the many Raven pairings out there. (Raveneveryone) (Part II up)
1. Part I

Pearings

_Part 1_

_Summary: "So Raven…you've done it all…you've gotten together with virtually every titan, a slew of villains…what will you do now?" (Raven/everyone)_

_Warning: OOCness due to Raven's ability to make everyone fall madly in love with her. And it is PG-13…_

* * *

Slade sat up straight and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Why was he here? Why couldn't he be elsewhere? Even being melted in a blazing volcano was better than this. 

"Show starts in 20 seconds, Mr. Wilson, and here's your lovely interviewee for the day, Raven."

"Please never call me that again." Mr. Wilson or rather Slade sneered loudly. "And Raven…? I thought that we had a deal." Vehemently, he folded his arms, furious as he watched Raven sit in her seat that he would have to interview a titan, of all people, on the pilot episode of his new show, "Pearings." Yeesh, the producers couldn't even spell the name to the show properly.

"Look, I don't want to be here either." The sorceress muttered coolly. "But we must…we have a common enemy, bad fan fiction writers."

"I don't mind them…they're harmless. And they know not to mess with me too much because they know I'm a heinous villain who…"

"Speak for yourself. What about all those slash fics involving you and Rob-"

"What! You found those too! Fine, point taken, I don't like them either, but couldn't we have alienated them with Iraqi WMD?"

"No…but more of them would just pop up, like roaches…trust me I tried. Come on; let's get the credits rolling and get this over with."

And reluctantly, Slade cued the credits…

* * *

_Hiya! My name's Mary! _

_And my name's Sue!_

_I smell like a berry_

_And there's our cue!_

_I'm perfect as a pear, _

_I can fight like a bear,_

_And never have a single hair,_

_Out of place with care!_

* * *

"Stop! Those are the wrong credits. We're attacking pairings today, not Mary Sues!" Slade yelled out in horror as he covered his ears. Thankfully, the stage managers silenced the annoying song, and began the right music. 

_Will Raven's real beau please stand up,_

_Please stand up._

There was then a quick audience interlude as a mob of voices chanted out: "So Raven…you've done it all…you've gotten together with virtually every titan, a slew of villains…what will _you _do now?"

* * *

"Hello everyone, and welcome to my show. Let my world domination beg-" Slade stopped as he felt a quick zap courtesy of Raven. "Anyhow, today, we have Raven- the empathetic sorceress with us, who gets around quite a lot considering she's supposed to repress her emotions." 

Grumpily, she replied. "Yea…thanks for the glowing intro."

"No problem. So Raven, (I'm just reading from the cue cards), who is the real man or woman or inanimate object in your life? Answer truthfully or the producers will make me go through several rather embarrassing clips of your, shall we say, exploits."

"I'd rather not say, and you don't have any proof on us…"

"So there is an us…"

Raven remained silent, cursing her bad choice of words, what if, what if, they all found out that she was really…

No, she wouldn't come out in the open like that. She would play it cool. "Like I said before there's no proof whatsoever."

"But, on the contraire, we have bad fan fiction writers. Roll the clips." Slade commanded, rather mercilessly.

And thus, for poor Raven, the torture began.

* * *

**Lovebirds**

"Raven? Rae, are you in there?" A loud rapt came from Raven's room's metallic door

"Yea." She cautiously approached the door. If she thought it was who it was, she certainly couldn't open the door for it was…dare she say or even think the word…no she shalln't for the word is…

"Robin, why aren't you outside my window? That was where we were supposed to meet to avoid detection."

"I know, I know, Raven, but, it's just that I can't stand doing this anymore. I had to see you tonight. I couldn't wait to go to the window."

Raven slightly lightened up. "You mean, you'll quit sneaking around her back and make us official to everyone?"

"Heck, no! I love sharing poetry with a fellow bird, but Star a way better kisser-" As Boy Wonder realized the phrasing of his words, he stopped abruptly. "I mean…um…no, we can't do that yet, my dear black colored birdy. I promise you though, I'll make it all up to you tonight."

"Really…?" She was a bit doubtful, but Robin could be quite unpredictable at times.

"Yea, here come nearer to the door." He cooed softly.

"You know, wouldn't it be easier if I just opened the-"

"No! I mean, _no_. Our relationship can only be regarded as dark, brooding, and all in all scandalous, if we keep it **_forbidden_**"

Raven nearly gasped. He had said the word.

Uncharacteristically blushing slightly, she leaned nearer towards the door. "I'm right by the door now…"

"Me too, me too." And softly, he pressed his lips against Raven's metal door as she pressed her lips against the door, as well. She didn't know how long the sweet, or rather cold sensation lasted, but it certainly had felt like a long time. She had kissed him…or rather, kissed it, until her lips were numb. Actually, they practically felt as if they were on ice, and regretfully, she pulled her lips away from the door.

Moments later, a chattering Robin called to her through the door. "Why'd you stop? Couldn't you feel the warmth of my love radiating through the steel, five inch thick door…?"

"I-I'm sorry. I couldn't."

"Raven, I thought that we had gone through this already…if you really didn't care about me as your Titan leader who is insanely obsessed with Slade to the point that I am willing to sacrifice my team members for my cause, please, let me know, honestly."

"Of course I care for you, Robin…I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"Do you want to try again?"

"I'd love to."

How sweet it was to be **_forbidden_**.

* * *

**T4-Rising of the Cyborgs (the soap opera version)**

"Cyborg, even though I am supposed to repress my emotions or I will release all havoc upon this earth, I just can't take it anymore."

"Take what, Raven?" Cyborg asked, fearing the question that was going to form at his friend's lips the next moment.

"I think it's too much to ask. It's ok, I can handle it myself."

"Nothing's too much to ask of me, Raven. You know that right?"

"Ok. Are you sure about this?"

"I'm as sure as I am about my systems functioning correctly."

"Would you please hand me that bag of herbal tea? I know it's kind of out of character for me to ask for favors…but could you hand me that herbal tea bag from the cabinet?"

"Sure Raven. Here." His metallic hand briefly touched hers as he handed her the tea bag.

"Thanks." She muttered, though there was a slight bit of red protruding from her cheeks. It wasn't quite forbidden, more or less clandestine, but it was a nice relationship, nonetheless.

Just then, Beast Boy and Robin marched into the breakfast room…

* * *

**Girl Talk**

"Starfire, I have a confession to make." Raven stood uneasily in her Tamaranian friend's door way.

"Yes, friend Raven? Do you wish to engage in hair braiding maneuvers?" The girl perked up slightly at the sight of her friend and the promise of an accepted proposal.

"Uh…yes, that is to say, I'd like to do more as well."

"Joyous! More hair related activities of bonding friendships? Perhaps, we could provide each other with "permanents?""

Raven edged closer to her alien friend. "No, I don't mean that. I want something more, more than friendship…"

Star giggled slightly. "Glorious, Raven! I shall agree to whatever you request me to perform."

Raven smiled as she leaned her face against Star's. "I never had braces. I'd like to have straighter teeth though, maybe you could aid me with that, with your alien strength?"

"You wish for me to perform orthodontics upon your mouth?"

_To be continued… _

_AN: Ugh. That was a terrible attempt at humor…it is my first posted TT attempt at humor though. Sorry for posting this (except for the Girl talk bit, that one wasn't as bad). There may be a part 2, and that will hopefully be better. (ex. I haven't gotten to "A Rocky Beginning" or "Green with Envy" or "Daddy Dearest (nope not what you think, I have yet to see incest, thankfully, though)" yet.)_

_Please let me know what you thought of this…flame, criticize, critique, review?_

_Then, the shameful advertising: visit TT Writers Unite-the best of TT (that we've gathered so far). And as for my other fics…they will hopefully be updated eventually. Something to look forward to...I have another (it's rather lengthy) Christmasy one-shot (Rob-Star) ._


	2. Part II

_Pearings Part 2_

_20 humor, 80 eccentricity _

_Holy holy water! It's been updated!_

* * *

"You know, this could be considered cruel and unusual punishment." Raven sighed in the momentary pause before the torture began again.

"Yes, I know, and I'm glad." Slade then promptly began to laugh evilly, but that failed pathetically, his breath evaporating into chokes and wheezes.

"Smoking is bad…uh…Slade-your anti-drug…unlike some other drugs you should take like Zinthos, brought to you by Azarath and Metrion, which is a drug that everyone should use."

"You're a spokesperson?" He questioned.

A beat.

Another beat.

And then, yet _another_ beat.

This was turning out to be rather waltz-like.

"No. With the meager wagers that I receive from my day job as a Titan, I have no desire to get another job to pay my bills." Raven muttered, hoping that this interlude could delay some of the clips that were going to be shown soon. However, her plans were foiled as Slade offered her a malicious grin and proceeded to show the next clip.

* * *

**Dark and Very Alone Together**

"Hey Raven." Robin grumbled morosely as he shuffled across the titan tower somewhat despondently due to the fact that someone was (_Gasp! How shameless and inconsiderate of her_) in his usual brooding spot.

"Robin." Raven mumbled and offered him a terse nod. _How shameless and inconsiderate of him to disturb her alone moments contemplating the inevitable demise of the earth, her dark secret that she clandestinely harbored her demon father within her, and mostly, the utterly tragic state that the characters of the O.C. had once again gotten themselves into._

"Raven, you watch the O.C.?" Robin surprised her as he posed the question; how could he have found out?

"No, why would I ever like that sort of superficial, teenage audience targeted soap opera-like show created by our materialistic culture."

"I just _perceived _your thoughts. You were specifically contemplating 'mostly, the utterly tragic state-'"

"Hey wait a second. _I _am supposed to be the telepathic one with the powers of empathy. _You _aren't supposed to be able to do that. _I_ can't even read minds."

"I am not supposed to be able to read minds, true, but when I'm here brooding on the tower, I can be very perceptive to the point where I can hear exactly what you're saying in your mind."

"Oh." Raven uttered. She felt exposed by Robin's presence and was getting to be quite uncomfortable indeed. She stood up and prepared to return inside the tower; perhaps, she should try brooding back in her room again. No, she shouldn't have thought that, because he would be able read her thoughts, though he hadn't any superpowers, except the amazing ability to cook edible food.

"Raven-wait, don't leave me up here all alone." He called out to her as she stood up.

"I'm infringing upon your brooding time."

"I know, you are, but I was thinking that since we both are superheroes, have dark secrets that no one will ever know about like the fact that my real name is either Tim Drake or Dick Grayson and that I am not really doing research in my room but am avidly watching the Lifetime Channel because it reminds me of my childhood and keeps me in touch with my inner feminine side, have the tendency to fall into lapses of brooding, and are reserved and oftentimes dark, depressed, and moody, do you think that we could…um…be morose and secretive alone together sometimes? Just you and me on this roof?"

"Sure, that actually, excuse my lapse into an out of character moment, sounds pretty 'not-really-that-depressingly-good.' I like the idea of brooding together. So do you want to try it now?'"

"Ok."

An hour passed as the two of them sit side-by-side staring outside into the gray, socially corrupt, and not at all private world.

"So, Robin, are you having a good time brooding?"

"Yea. I mean no, it just adds to my maniacal depression. So anything new happen to you?"

"No."

Another long silence passes before Robin spoke up again. "Aren't you going to ask if anything new happened to me? Or attempt to find out more about my secretive nature?"

"What's the point? It's not like your going to tell me because you're always secretive."

"I thought you cared Raven."

She did care, but she could never display any concern for him, because it would ruin her secretive and dark aura. Hopefully, he should be able to read that from her mind.

"Fine, you know what, I'm leaving. I'm sick and tired of dealing with your nosiness. Can't a guy keep his secrets sometimes? And you know what, I think it's kind of freaky how when a guy displays his forbidden emotions for a girl that she starts getting all serious about everything. Don't try to hide it Raven; I know you were thinking of naming our future child Falcon. Can't you think of a better name? And what's wrong with the names Blue-Jay or Hawkiary eh?"

And with a huff, Boy Wonder walked off…walked straight off the roof.

Okay, so maybe he couldn't read people's minds. He was probably just a really good guesser. All the same, at least she had the roof peacefully to herself.

* * *

**A Rocky Beginning aka The _Real _Edited Out Version of the Infamous Mud Fight Available Only Via Special Order ($9.99) Black Market DVDs**

Raven spat some mud from her mouth as she emerged from the sludge pool covered in mud. "Traitor!" She yelled the word at Terra, the girl standing triumphantly before her wearing a white robotic Slade suit, which according to fashion magazines that the tower randomly received (actually Beast Boy subscribed to the magazine because he had a secret crush on Jinx and readers, I'm sorry if you aren't fans of a Jinx/Beast Boy pairing (I honestly don't see how you could possibly ignore it though, I mean there is just _so much _proof out there for that couple like that time in "Final Exam" when Jinx hit Beast Boy with a hex and pummeled him to the floor…now that _is _love)) "was so totally last month's It Villain outfit" (as modeled in a flashy hot pink suit by Brother Blood on the cover).

"Witch!" Terra screamed out the words as she shoved boulders at Raven, all of which were quickly shattered by black shields. "I'm actually Wiccan; I wish you non-pagan mortals would quit discriminating." She muttered as she began to use her telepathy to hurl rocks at Terra.

"Fine, so what if I'm not politically correct? I for one and am a hard core conservative, and in my many firmly held conservative beliefs, I believe that it is OK to be politically incorrect sometimes…like I won't beat around the bush like some other people do, and I'll directly say it, like my other fellow conservatives: I believe in abortion and homosexual rights! And…I believe that you're a boyfriend stealer as well!" With a vengeance, Terra decided to stop playing nice and simply dove at Raven, shoving her into the mud. "You…after you stole Beast Boy from me, I, like I've told you before, I'm very guy desperate, had no choice but to start going out with Slade who offered me his protection just like that Pedro. You're such a witch Raven!"

Raven shot Terra to the ground and attempted to pummel Terra to the ground. "Slade sounds like a mafia member, and you are far too sheltered. You don't know any other insults? Why even Starfire could utter more curse words than you."

"Well, you know what? I'm abiding by our original show contract; no profanity. And Starfire curses more than all of us titans combined in Tamaranean. The show producers just can't catch it, because they don't understand the language. As a matter of fact, she taught me a few translations like censored for any Tamaraneans reading, which means _very_ censored and censored which means oh my…such language _exists_?. Terra managed to knock Raven to the ground and she proceeded to hurl rocks at Raven's head as she straddled the "wiccan" with her knees. "You're actions aren't speaking for much. The producers are sure to edit this scene out and tame it to make it some sort of eccentric blooper."

"You're no fun at all Raven." Terra tried to conjure up more rocks; however, Raven grasped Terra's wrist firmly and looked into her eyes in their very awkward position. "Is this all really about Beast Boy? Because if it is, he isn't worth your time. You know, even though your outfit is outdated according to _Villain Weekly_, I still think you look simply smashing in it, and that is saying a lot because it takes a really pretty girl to pull that off."

"Really Raven?" Terra loosened the force of her hand slightly, but then remembering the battle, she feared a devious trick and suddenly became tense again. "Even though you could have fooled Starfire with that ploy when she discovered your **_forbidden_** relationship, you can't fool me with it. And you just want Beast Boy to yourself."

"Beast Boy? No. His breath is absolutely terrible with all that tofu he eats." Raven tried to remove Terra from her grasp, but the girl was not letting go. A revelation in mind, she suddenly realized the terrible truth of the matter. "And all the while when you and Beast Boy were a 'couple' prancing around as happy as ponies, he was secretly cheating on you with me."

"What? No way! He would never-"

"But he did, Terra, and I'm sorry. I recall him directly saying something to the extent of 'I'm sorry that I had to try to pretend to be in a relationship with Terra. I just can't seem to decide between blondes and red-heads, you know?'" Raven muttered; Terra tightened her grip on her wrist, angry at hearing such words and accidentally pounded her elbow on Raven's stomach. "Wait a second, but you certainly aren't a red-head. No! He must have been cheating on the both of us with Starfire!"

"You're absolutely right. We need to find Star and go have a very long talk with Beast Boy. You have leverage with Slade right? Make sure he doesn't destroy the city before we flush Beast Boy down the toilet." Rolling up a sleeve of her cloak and further drenching her in the mud, Raven attempted to get up though that proved difficult because Terra was still rather perched atop her. "Uh…excuse-"

"Wait, Raven! I have a better idea of sort of getting revenge, a different sort of revenge…" With a mischievous grin and a wink, Terra slyly whispered the word "infidelity, on both our parts. That is if you are willing to…by the way, Raven that perfume your wearing smells really nice."

"Why thank you…you know that doesn't seem to be such a bad idea." And with a forceful push, Raven forced Terra into the mud until both of them were alike, drenched. Slowly, Terra pulled Raven by her cloak collar and savagely-

_The rest of the scene is censored. _

* * *

**Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…**

_You are just so very tall_

_Like a fallen ball_

_That does not call._

"By the glorgs of Tameran! Beast Boy! You have improperly disposed of another one of our balls of volley!" Starfire pouted as she stared at the waves of the bay below. She began to contemplate jumping in to rescue the poor helpless ball…perhaps Robin would take notice, jump in, rescue her only to find that she hadn't any carbon monoxide left in her liver (aliens have different anatomical structures), and perform some "oh so lewd" ear to ear upon her. However, Beast Boy interrupted her thoughts and plan.

"Er…don't' worry! By the laws of gravity, it'll come back up, like last time." He stated the words resolutely.

"If you recall, that's when Terra was still on our team." Robin uttered as he tried to look respectively mournful in memory of the lost titan's memory, but his face broke into a mischievous grin as he imagined himself jumping off the tower to rescue the ball…perhaps Starfire would take notice, swoop by, rescue him only to find that he hadn't any air, and would need some desperate CPR.

"Fine! Told you all that we shouldn't have let her turn into stone. She could have been quite useful. And not only for the drama that she could cause but also to be like our volley ball picker-upper person." Beast Boy quipped.

"Yea, yea good point, but you know, I'd rather not. I mean, that season's main arc was practically dedicated to her, and that took away from _my_ screen time. The show is called _Robin and the Teen Titans, _after all."

"Actually man…" Cyborg sighed in frustration. Robin was still in denial about the title of their show. "It's called the _Teen Titans_, meaning we all get screen time at some point."

"Hm…maybe Cyborg, you need to go sacrifice yourself as well. You did get all the attention in the finale, and you are getting an alternate universe time travel sort of episode. I haven't gotten one of those yet. And come to think of it Cyborg, you have several potential love interests." Robin thought in his mind, though he hadn't realized that he had also explicitly stated all of his thoughts for everyone to hear.

Surprised and suddenly indignant, Cyborg glared at the titan leader. "You know, it was attitudes like yours that made me want to quit this team and join the Fo Shizzle Brothahood East, I mean the Titans East, that was what I was going to name it if I stayed there or stay in that TV set with that girl from that soap opera."

"Well, you know what, you smell like cheap hair gel! Hah! You'd never expect me to use that line to insult you. I just gave you a taste of your own medicine."

"Man, Robin, I don't have any hair. Why would I be using hair gel?"

"Oh yea…well, you don't have cool superhero connections like me. I know heroes that are way up there like Superman, Wonder Woman, _and_ Batman."

"Well, ya know, I bet you don't have an autographed pair of underpants with all of the Justice League's, _Unlimited_, might I add, signatures on it."

"Wait? How? They offer autographs? How did you get that?"

Hoping to end the fray, Starfire jumped between the two arguing titans and attempted to form a compromise. "Friends, desist in such argumentation. Worry not friends! The last time I visited the Endless League of Justice, I obtained two sets of the beloved signatures of all the members upon two sets of earthen undergarments, I believe they are called thongs that I possess? Robin, if you truly wish to also have an autographed undergarment, I can readily give you my duplicate." Her words, haplessly though, didn't really alleviate the situation; it merely left two male titans gaping at her for several long minutes. Beast Boy, however, who had a sudden ear wax build up at the moment, heard none of the argument and decided to volunteer to go find a new volley ball.

He eagerly ran into the tower, exited to finally have an excuse to enter the infamous Titan Ball Cave, which by no means shows Robin's affiliation to his mentor, in the training room. Skidding to a halt as he finally arrived in the room, he learned an important lesson: caves, especially those with stalagmites and other sharp rocks, should not be used for keeping balls in. Save for a few scattered tennis balls, everything was deflated.

But Beast Boy was not discouraged. He suddenly remembered Raven's all-purpose mirror (well, it looked as if it could be an all-purpose sort of object because it was black and would not scratch nor stain easily) and rushed to her room. She was so deep in meditation that as he crept by her, she hadn't noticed him at all.

_Beast Boy, you must remember that my mirror is dangerous and that no one is to use it except for emergencies._

There was absolute chaos on the roof. Robin was yelling at Starfire about thongs and autographs, while Cyborg was begging to trade his autographed underpants for her autographed thong. "Crazy kids these days."Beast Boy muttered to his imaginary dark green friend Boy Beast. "And this _is_ an emergency."

_My mirror is very fragile, and you **must **be careful with it. _

"Hey guys! I couldn't find a new volley ball, but I found _this._"

"Hey isn't that Raven's mirror? Should you be touching that thing, because don't you remember last time when we got sucked into her mind and-"

"Relax. She said that I was free to use the mirror, but that I had to be really careful with it. So how about a game of mirror ball?"

"Sure, if Raven doesn't mind!"

"Count me in! I am not on the team with the guy who's named after a bird."

"Glorious! You shall begin the serve, Beast Boy?"

With a flash of green, Beast Boy became a tall green giraffe and latched his teeth upon the mirror handle. Dramatically swinging his neck, he flung the mirror over the net where Robin successfully intercepted the mirror and hit it over the net back at Beast Boy. Still in giraffe form, the green superhero attempted to pass the mirror to Cyborg, but alas, his muzzle touched the hapless mirror too harshly, and it fell to the ground, shattering.

"X'hal! censored what in the name of censored shall dear friend Raven think? Oh censored! Oh censored censored and censored yet again shall we do? A broken mirror is indicative of ten years cursing, three swishes of the head about the toilet bowl, one poem of 'ill fated fortune caused by a superstition laden omen,' and two bowls full of pudding-the most distasteful sort. Beast Boy, pity upon pitiful pathetic misery for you." Cyborg clasped his hands together displaying genuine panicked remorse for his green friend. I'm sorry. My apologies, I meant (yes _the following _is certainly out of character), but _Starfire_ clasped her hands together displaying genuine panicked remorse for her green friend.

A moment of contemplation proceeded when a sudden idea struck the Tamaranean princess. "Ah yes! Robin, how could I have forgotten?" And pulling Robin's utility belt from him, she eagerly found the compartment with salt and quickly tossed the white particles at Beast Boy and the broken mirror. "Now, excuse me, while I seek out a cat of black that does not wear a hat to give to Beast Boy as a gift to rid him of his future cursed befallings." With a flash of green, she was gone-into the city.

"Heh. I guess that didn't work so well. How about something to prevent Raven from killing me all together?"

Robin shook his head, seemingly contemplating something. "Star got it all wrong. Crazy Tamaraneans. Don't move Beast Boy!" He quickly searched through his utility belt, and after flipping through each pocket several times, he sighed. "Now where did I put that kryptonite?"

Nonchalantly, he whipped out his communicator and contacted Starfire. "Hey, where did you put the kryptonite in my belt?"

"In the secret compartment beneath your collection of change, miniature and balls of ice…apologies Robin, by ice I had intended to indicate the small Winter of the Fresh gum balls that are so compressed with ice and mint-like delicacies that they can serve as freezing agents."

"Ah of course! And Star, you got the ritual wrong; it's a common mistake I used to make as well, but report back."

"Affirmed to the positive affirmative. Though I perchance, could have merely stated 'affirmed' or 'yes,' it is not in my nature to respond to a question tersely and concisely even in the direst of situations; I must make haste to speak a rather verbose and long winded sentence with the gloriously censored Tamaranean phrases so easily ggghhimj in between or rather Xhiosijo iojotwej censored in a very pleasant manner so that no one will suspect that I am truly saying earth words such as censored and censored. Starfire out."

"Isn't she great? She's like a living Tamaranean and English thesaurus. I wish that I could be as verbose as she is sometimes…" Robin uncharacteristically swooned and fell off the tower much to the _chagrin_ of Cyborg, who immediately began mourning for the fallen (literally) leader. "Now who's the leader! Titans first new order of business; we will now have a disco ball. And the tower hallways will now be expanded to the standard regulation size of two lane roadways in T-shaped towers as regulated by the United States Bureau of Two-Lane Roadways within T-Shaped Towers Occupied by Teenage Superheroes. No one, once the roads are built, except for me, will be allowed to travel around in the tower in anything other than motor vehicles. I will be permitted to use the T-Sub, T-Submarine Rocket, T-Submarine Rocket Turbo Jet Land Rover Hummer Limo, and the T-Cow for when I have to sneak milk in the night time." Unfortunately, once Cyborg finished his first decree as leader, a grappler hook latched onto the tower edge ("Oh dang it!"), a matter to which Cyborg promptly attended to by attempting to unlatch Robin's hook (AN: On retrospection, my wording here perhaps was not the best).

This left Beast Boy who was extremely terrified of the wrath of Raven (he was scampering around the tower trying to catch a butterfly with a fish tank) completely unattended and unprotected.

"YOU BROKE IT! NOW MY EMOTIONS ARE ALL LOOSE AND I AM DANGEROUS." Raven stormed upon the roof. She was angry. And upset. And unhappy. Maybe she was so upset because she was lacking her Zinthos for the day, but that was a different story.

Beast Boy promptly stopped and stared at Raven, absolutely surprised. "Man Raven! That is tight! I've never ever heard you talk in all caps before."

Still seething with rage, he considered that perhaps, a confession would do at this point. She had found out all his secrets and could no longer hide the truth from her.

"Raven…I'm so sorry, but I ripped your favorite blue cloak the other day trying to go to a Teen Titans fan convention as you but they thought that I looked more like Robin because of my green skin, and yea, it was me who ate your secret stash of blueberry ice cream hidden away in the inner depths of the freezer. I was also the one who showed everything your Johnny Depp poster, and I was also the one who deleted your year's worth of poetry from the computer hard drive when I accidentally installed a virus onto the computer thinking that it would be a fun program 'cause it was called Spy Ware."

"Shush! I'm going after you because of the BROKEN MIRROR."

"Oh! You were! In that case, Terra did all that…or she made me do it; ya know she was the one we met that one time going **boom** with the rocks and then she ended up working for Slade and going **boom** with rocks like that again except it hurt cause she was doing it to us then and and then…she saved us and made the volcano go **kaboom**."

"Beast Boy…this really isn't helping. I'm going to soon destroy the world in a few more seconds because my emotions have completely gone out of control." Raven spoke in her usual monotone, though black sparks of her powers were starting to spread from her hands. "But before I destroy the world and kill everyone, I have something that I've wanted to say to you."

"Wait! Wait! Let me guess! Let me guess!"

"No-there's no time for this stuff-"

"Have you always loved me even when you acted like you hated me? Like that time you pushed me off the roof and those other times you called me a 'moronic simian' or that other time when you locked me in your room and you had put in lots of things that I was terrified of to specifically scare the heck out of me like all those chunks of meat? Or is it that you want to marry me and in the future we can have children named Raven Boy, Garven, Boy Raven, Boy Beast, and little teeny weeny Archibald Alfred Hindley Stanley Logan the III who will be affectionately called Pigeon for short. Whew…writers should definitely use punctuation more. Do you know how tiring that was, saying all those things without a comma or period?"

"Let's see…no, no, and I agree. I actually just wanted to tell you that the ice cream you had was not my stash of ice cream. They were Cyborg's, and they were originally vanilla. I don't think those were blue berries."

"Oh okay." Beast Boy sighed, slightly disappointed at his discovery. He did not like vanilla flavored ice cream in any shape or form. "Well then, I suppose, before everyone dies at your hand, there's something that I've always wanted to do."

"What?"

Beast Boy leaned up (and Raven leaned up as well because frankly, you can't have any romantic interaction without people leaning up) and kissed Raven fervently, wildly, passionately, ardently, overpoweringly, and with some more words that indicate fiery, hot passion and end with a "ly."

Suddenly, Raven's cloak turned white, and as logic goes in the fan fiction world, Raven and Beast Boy found themselves getting married atop a tropical island surrounded by tangoing dolphins and singing palm trees.

"Thank you Beast Boy. Your kiss, somehow or rather, cleansed me of my father's evil, and now I am free to feel emotions."

"No problem. All in a day's work of Beast Man."

* * *

_AN: _

_Amusing note- According to Microsoft Word spell check, " X'hal" should be "exhale." _

_Thanks for all the lovely and the few not so lovely reviews. _

_I honestly had the majority of this fic done since January (I think). I was just really having trouble getting into a humor-writing mood for a while…I hope you enjoyed it, and it is a lot longer and hopefully funnier, wackier, better (?) than the first installment. For those of you who may surprisingly want more "Pearings," there will be at least one more part or maybe a few more, depending on how many pairings I decide to parody. _

_Also, I am looking for a beta-reader for a longer, more serious romantic fic that I have started to work on. Would anyone be interested? _

_Lastly, review. Please do review; I **live **on reviews. _


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